I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
