glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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