omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Alive.
So much puke
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
