I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
