You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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