I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am naked and annoyed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
