Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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