You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize