i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
