I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
