I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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