Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
