I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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