you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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