hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They are going to name an STD after you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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