I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
