we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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