So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
