Your mouth is God's brothel.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
