I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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