they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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