3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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