Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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