I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
