if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
