I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
