after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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