he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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