apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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