Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
