I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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