kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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