On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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