why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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