I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
