this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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