I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
