Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
