kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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