The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
