Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
