I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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