Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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