The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
