I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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