best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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