Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
