Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
