You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
