Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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