FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
