I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
