So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
