i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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