i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
