dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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