I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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