if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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