Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
