My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
