I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
