pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
